The holidays are great and all, but it’s hard to be all jollypants when winter time can make a lot of tricks look seriously Fugly. Dry air, lack of sunshine, cold temps, blasting heating systems, and coughing Euro tourists body slamming you nonstop might make it a little more difficult to look stunning under that mistletoe.
Sidenote, what perv invented that shiz? I’m all for yuletide PDA if it means making Marjorie uncomfortable or perhaps stealing the attention away from a Frenemy at the bar, but isn’t it kind of akward to have those tiny dingleberry things mounted (no pun intended) around your office or Cousin Dupree’s house? Cool it with the innapropro make-out seshs, people.
In the words of Al Pacino’s Satan in The Devil’s Adovate, “Vanity…definitly my favorite sin.” That’s right, folks. This holiday season, when you’re done shelling our your hard-earned monz on your loved ones and those that guilted you into presents, go get your swagger back with the following health, salon, and other personal grooming services:
Bumble & Bumble (Uptown)
146 East 56th Street, New York, NY 10022-3610
What: Haircut, Who to See: Kat
Kat is not only really pretty and really cool (i.e. someone you can clearly trust not to give you the “Kate Gosselin”) she is AWESOME at creating volume at the crown while removing dead ends with precision. Kat also knows I like to read InStyle and sip Chard. Thus, I’ve been loyal for 5 years – ever since she expertly gave me swoopy, non-Peggy Oldson bangs after I drunkenly swan-dived into a friend’s pool.
800 Saint Marys St # 301 Raleigh, NC 27605-1459
What: Nails/Waxing, Who to See: Desiree
If you’ve ever wanted to experience the quintessential southern beauty parlor experience like something out of Steel Magnolias, you simply MUST drop by and visit Sunny and Desiree in Raleigh. Tucked away in a unassuming office building, Adara is small and 100% client-focused. Gone are the day sof women talking smack about you in a foreign tongue as they stab your cuticles like something out of Saw 3. Desiree has given me the best manicure (both traditional and gel) I’ve ever had, AND fixed my brows using hygenic, lavender-based wax – without that double-dipping mess you get at the bootleg joints.
Store Locations Nationwide
What: Makeup Application
Like cleaning or mental problems, sometimes you just need professional help. I’m a big fan of getting my face did on special occasions because not only do you look smokin’ afterwards, but you are forced to buy new products that will remind you to get rid of that 2-yr old concealer or bronzer that looks clay and smells like foot. Whether it’s pre-21st birthday in Ohio, Prom LIAR preparation in Westchester (Bobbi or Trish at Neimans!), Santa Con, or just a spite makeover, let somebody else’s grubby hands take over once in a while.
Linda knows the best way to cure the flu or mend a broken Feinberg heart is with quality time with Mom, and perhaps some fine terry robes and Enya playing in the background. Babygirl loves herself a day at the spa, but I keep it simple: yoga and/or meditation, pedicure, hot stones on the back, hot tub, and a nakey steam room. Full blown massages are creepy, take too long for someone with A.D.D., the oils teeter on the happy ending genre, and I’m f-ing tickleish. I’ve also never understood the appeal of facials, you look like an axe wound when you walk out, no thanks.
So if this is a blue, blue Christmas and you’re considering taking another trip to the Liqa’ Sto, check yourself before you wreck yourself and join the likes of me, Trina, and Princess Aurora for some primping and pimping.