Call me Moses Jr. because Babygirl clearly parted the Red Sea of GINGERS and is proving once again to the world that a) Jews are still the chosen ones despite our shortcomings in the Madoff department and b) my hetero lifemate is more than just a mixed bag of crazy, ta tas, and experimental medication.
Feast your eyes on this little nugget of glory:
Lindsay appeared in court today for her probation progress report. A very surprised Judge Stephanie Sautner began by saying, “Miss Lohan, you have actually done your work.”
The judge noted Lindsay actually completed her 12 days of community service early. And she went to an extra therapy session — 5 instead of the required 4. The judge also said the morgue was pleased by the work Lindsay has done there “at least as pleased as a morgue can be.”
Madame Inferno’s Chanel-clad legal eagle Shawn Holley looks like she just shat a Meercat out of pure astonishment that her client didn’t freebase her way into the clink. It must have taken some of Ali “Manbrows” Lohan’s magic age-defying time travel to get her sister home in time to approach the bench. Meanwhile our girl must have received my telepathic advice to “dress the part” of a hypothermia-suffering Scores lunch-shift dancer, delicately draped in hues of cream, beige, and smegma.
But, wait! There’s more! According to the AP:
The “Mean Girls” actress has canceled an appearance on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” scheduled for Thursday, Lohan’s publicist confirmed to TheWrap.
Lohan was to give DeGeneres the only interview about her nude Playboy cover and pictorial, which hits newsstands at the end of this week.
Pass the kleenex on over to all the broken-hearted lezzies at the Cubbyhole and Henrietta Hudson, because this should be a signal to all her old pieces of man meat that homegirl is back on the Oscar Meyer Weiner tour.
I can’t stop rooting for this broad. What did she do with her bunny money? Booked a family outing to Come-on-ya-wanna-lay-me, Hawaii to make it rain red-hots on the local surfer pieces and guzzle down maitais and mow kalua pig.
All this time spent in the Morgue is going to add a whole new element to our future TV showcase plans together, since we will clearly need to incorporate an adapted scene from Death Becomes Her, twisted grill and hot pink sash included, where she can be Hell! and I can Mad! and we’ll sashay down that staircase like two death-defying peas in a pod.