Seeing as my alma mater was represented by not 1 but 2 announcements this weekend, I figured I’d step up and pass judgement for this week’s Bridal Beatdown.
Couple Numero Uno: Charlotte Grassi and Brooks Aukamp.
First off, Charlotte’s parent’s names are Eleuthera and Temple?!! How in the hell did those 2 find each other in the first place? Can I read that wedding announcement? Also, Eleuthera, in the Bahamas, is way up there on my Beach Bucket List. It’s uber-private and family oriented, with almost no large hotel developments, basically the Bahamian LBI. AND my main homegirl Mariah has a house there, so naturally this is a place I must visit. But I digress.
Charlotte’s 29, she’s from Chevy Chase, which is like the MD version of the Bestchester, and she’s a freelance interior designer (read “freelance” = “unemployed by choice”). In my Beezus Fantasy Life I would be a freelance interior designer, right after large-breed dogwalker. Charlotte’s newly legal manpiece is named Brooks. Maybe Charlotte and Brooks will have a babyfriend named Episcopal, or Bishop. Charlotte, Brooks, baby Bishop and his sister Darien will be right at home with Grandma Eleuthera and Grandpa Temple. Anywhowho, Brooks graduated from Lafayette College. He’s 32, making him a senior when I was a freshman. I don’t remember this Brooks, which speaks well of him, as only creepers and late-blooming douchetards are hanging out with freshman girls their senior year. Brooks is from Delaware and he and Charlotte got married in . . . . Delaware. I think Wayne and Garth put it best:
So, Mazel to you Brooks and Charlotte, may your implausibly named brood live long and prosperous lives in the great state of “Liberty and Independence.”
Newlyweds Dos: Erin Carney and Sean Berry
Erin’s 33 and she “markets investments to pension funds, foundations, endowments and other institutional investors.” I have no idea what that means but it sounds badass, so props to you. She also graduated from Lafayette. I wonder if she and Brooks ever met up at Marsilio’s and hooked up at KDR or one of the craptastic off-campus houses. That would be AWKWARD. Also, Erin’s wearing a business suit in her NYTimes photo – this lady is not messing around. As for Sean, he works at a law firm “specializing in mergers & acquisitions. Um, HELLO, Richard Gere in Pretty Woman much? He even has a bit of the Richard Gere/George Clooney salt n’ pepper hair going on. Although looks-wise he reminds me a lot more of the dad from 7th Heaven WHO, by the by, just so happens to be from HoH. Along with Ricki Lake. Just a little bit of Hastings trivia for you there.
So there you go, 4 very white upwardly mobile high achieving thirty-somethings from the Atlantic Northeast, now joined in holy matrimony. Cheers to you Lafayette, churning out NY, NJ, CT, and PA’s 1% for 185 years and counting!