Here are some irrefutable, scientific facts:
1. Dogs make life worth living
2. Cats are Satan’s messengers on Earth.
3. Dogs deserve lives of leisure and dignity.
4. Cats deserve to roll around in dirty litter boxes for eternity.
This being the case, it stands to reason that cats often get stuck with dumb dumb names like “Socks” and “Mittens,” because their personalities are about as vibrant as knitted winter accessories.
Dogs are a much different story.
Because canines represent all that is good and happy in the world, they merit monikers of dignity and respect – that means a first, a middle, and a last name that accurately reflect their distinctive je ne sais quoi. For example, our little princess peahead is named Sadie Boots McGee, and her red rooster cousin is Henry Foot McGoo. Get the picture?
So if you are naming your dog Champ, Buddy, or Spot, shame on you. You clearly do not deserve the sheer joy and fulfillment of being a dog owner.
Here are some dogs I would like to make mine and the names I would bestow them: