As a 29-year old female, weddings are a near-constant topic of conversation. Wedding dresses, in particular, are a source of endless hours of entertainment, pondering, comparing and critiquing. Just look at the burgeoning popularity of shows like Say Yes to the Dress and Beverly Hills Bridal (which, by the way, is another guilty pleasure of mine, right up there with Mob Wives). The way I see it, the modern wedding is something more akin to a 3-ring circus than a sacred spiritual tradition. What better evidence than the bevy of OUTRAGEOUS frocks that pose as bridal gowns these days? I’m sorry, but why in the hell would a girl want to wear a SEE-THROUGH corset in front of her father-in-law?? And bling, really?? Are people forgetting that “bling” was a word concocted by the Cash Money Millionaires in a bad rap song from the late 90s?? Just say SPARKLES.
Anywhobody, a selection of some truly awesome, truly heinous wedding finery:
And to prove I don’t really have a heart of stone, here’s the dress that actually makes my heart flutter. Just a little.
Oh, and here’s the sassy get-up I’ll change into after as I get whisked away to the airport in a white Rolls Royce under a booming shower of Grucci fireworks: