(alert and ready to go)
I am awake. Whoobity boobity. Feed me.
I love frocks. Frocks frocks frocks. Who should I wear today? Oh helloooooo Eliza J, I just bought you at Belk with the help of my personal shopper Shawanda.
BABYGIRL steps in front of full length mirror. Twirls. Makes sassy mirror face.
I look DAMN good.
BABYGIRL whipping around Durham in dilapidated 1998 Lexus RX. Marc Jacobs shades are on, windows are down, Kelis’s “Bossy” blasts at full volume, and BABYGIRL sings along at the top of her lungs.
BABYGIRL at the checkout counter at Starbucks. Shoots shameless googly eyes at 17-year old barista wearing East Chapel Hill lacrosse hat.
Sorry I’m not sorry.
BABYGIRL on the lawn at Fearrington casually sipping a coca cola through a straw. The southern sun gleams as it hits her weave.
BABYGIRL makes her way through her daily call list: Linda/Larry, Margery/Snags, Beezus, and the Titheads.
A young couple – both blonde, both preppy – saunters by hand-in-hand as they survey the grounds for their upcoming nuptials
BABYGIRL is back at the Lodge. Makes quick pitstop at the Tot Lot on her way home. Spots 3-year-old ginger child on the see-saw. Bites finger.
Is your name Walter?
Ginger child’s frightened mother hastily escorts him home.
BABYGIRL throws dinner together while Miley Cyrus serenades her. BABYGIRL sings along, replacing “Miley” and “baby” with “Katy” as she goes. She dons her pink Moulin Rouge bathrobe with bustle and bows.
BABYGIRL swigs from a bottle of Chardonnay as she puts the finishing touches on her meal.
(performing Truffle Shuffle)
BABYGIRL rolling deep at Raleigh Times. Sips Chard as she scans the room for Darren Criss lookalikes. Her heart fills with joy as she feels a tap on her shoulder, turning to face a shaggy-haired hottie wearing scuffed topsiders, brightly colored wayfarers hung around his neck on croakies, and pink shorts patterned all over with tiny whales.
Excuse me sweetheart, but has anyone ever told you that you look just like Lindsay Lohan?
(“She’s a bad Mama Jama” starts to play on the juke)