Every once in a while I come across a nugget of information that absolutely fascinates me. Anne Boleyn had 6 fingers. The Amityville Horror. Dolphins are capable of raping humans (don’t get me started on that last one). In the same vein, anything and everything about Scientology completely freaks me out. What’s even more bizarre is that it’s so obviously a cult, extremely well-documented, and they continue to operate in the public sphere. Am I in crazy town?! This is a religion started by a B-list science fiction writer! Who gets away with this kind of shiz?! So you know what I’m talking about, here’s a few tidbits about the Church of Xenu:
1. They believe in an all-powerful being named Xenu! Who brought billions of his people to Earth 75 million years ago, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs!! What?!!!
4. There’s a Scientology navy! With a ship and cadets! It’s called Sea Org and their boat is called Freewinds and cadets have to sign a contract for 1,000,000,000 years of service!!!
6. John Travolta bankrolled a movie based on a book by Hubbard called Battlefield Earth that is widely regarded as one the WORST MOVIES IN THE HISTORY OF FILM. No major studio would touch this stinker because of its ties to Scientology. And the fact that it sucked ass.
7. You know those weird “Stress Test” tables you used to see in NYC subway stations? Those were scientologists! Trying to dupe bums and tourists into ponying up cash for a copy of Dianetics, the Scientology Bible. You can’t make this shiz up!
OK, that’s my rant about Scientology for the day. If you don’t see me posting anymore, it’s because the secret Scientology police have snatched me in the middle of the night and consigned me to slave labor in the galleys of the Freewinds. Just kidding Scientologists, you guys are great! No, really.