Let’s start off the week with our best foot forward…
Jennifer Aniston is the worst. Yeah, I said it. Everyone needs to hop off her nuts and come over to the dark side. And by dark side I mean join the forces of crazy, vial-of-blood-wearing, Captain of the Googly Eyes club herself: Angelina. What a broad.
- She has single-handedly made being crazy look hot. All of us pyshochickenheads out there owe this bitty a drink.
- Takes. whats. hers.
- Likes to do hoodcat things, in addition to proactive humanitarian aide activities in poverty-stricken countries.
- Makes the most out of limo rides
- Her pack of chirruns’ is out of control. That brood is a mess and I bet those nannies don’t even get to diddle Brad.
- Made out with her brother
- She teeters on being too skinny. Go get a #6 from Amjos, your arms are starting to creep us out.
- Her last “good” movie(s) were a long ass time ago: Girl, Interrupted, and Mr. & Mrs Smith. The rest (Tomb Raider, Salt, etc) all give me dominatrix nightmares involving Russians and mouth monsters fighting against Julia Roberts for DSL supremacy.
This bitch will cut you.
Is it bad that her performance as Lisa made me start threatening
Marge people with a needle straight to the Aorta? Hell to the naw.
I forget what year this ^ mess was, but I think thats what Hollywood really lacks these days. Crazy ass scarily weird couples who make you want to take a quarantine shower just by looking at them. Their little red carpet stunt redefined pre-gaming.
Here’s to St. Angie, patron saint of weave-pulling and man stealing, hustling and baby snatching.