I throw a bit of shade around and the Frogs often fall victim to my rants. The French would be speaking German if it weren’t for us, Fact. But I give them a pass because their citizenry, apart from their refusal to wear deodorant or give accurate directions to Amurican tourists, are a pretty snazzy bunch. Especially the womenz. French bitties know what’s up.
Now, I’m not going to gush over the typy typ French fashion icons like Coco
Nazi-Humper Chanel and Carla Bruni. Both tricks are flat and overrated if you ask me. And def not Colette, the mastermind behind Cheri. Ask Linda, Lil’ Beezy, or the Captain about the valium they had to find waterworks they had to clean up after a perfectly lovely pow wow at La Bonne Soup. Old french hookers who get abandoned by their younger man meat apparently brings the sads out of Babygirl. Who knew?
Anywhooo..The mademoiselles worth chirping about should know how to tease their weave, shake their can, and not look fug. My picks…
1. Bridget Bardot – a.k.a Bond Girl #1.
If I could replicate this fro properly I would, but frankly there are not enough bobby pins in this world to shellac the wonky bangs in place and to fight the meat sweats. Plus, all that aerosol hairspray to the dome has totally made me dumber.
Respect for shimmying and chi-chi magic. Speaking of magic… brings us to…
2. Fleur Delacoeur – a.k.a Clemence Poesy
I like that Beaux Batons’ finest ended up with one of the ginger Weasleys. If you don’t know what I’m talking about you should taser yourself and then stop by the cottage in the glen one evening after Mr. Hank and Sadie Boots accidentally get into the Cowgirl Creamery assortment. Speaking of, Linda and Larry: Get a new couch.
3. Marion Cotilliard – Snag, take a breather.
She was super annoying and morbid in the Leo dream stealing liar movie. But pretty/DTF eyes, borderline Feinberg looking nonetheless.
And to send you off thinking about smoking cigs along the Seine next to a bushy-armpitted garcon with crabs, clubbing you with a baguette, then hopping on a godforsaken BIKE, being left to take a gypsy boat to the pont-neuf… … Here is some mood music from the boss of French broads, Edith Piaf: