Because the title of this post requires it, we interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this Backstreet Boys circa 1999 masterpiece. Such simpler times.
AJ, Howie, and the gang were certainly onto something here. And I’m not talking about gyrating your shaven man-boobies while wearing unbuttoned Tommy Bahama shirts and pajama pants in the pouring rain.
I’m talking about GAMING.
Newsflash, world: Feinbergs are gamers. If our basement wasn’t full of Sven’s woodworking mishegas, 10 bajillion Jay Strongwater christmas tree ornaments and a thirteen-year supply of rat poison, we’d probably turn it into an arcade. Then we’d stage Ms. Pac Man tournaments while sipping on top-notch Kistler Pinot Noir.
Think Noah’s Arcade comes to Hollywood Drive.
Here are our favorites:
Before they were saddled with three wild banshee children, Linds and Lar filled every waking moment of their newlywed years (when not at their offices making that cash money money) playing Bridge at a club on the Upper West Side. Typ typpy typ typ.
I myself prefer Canasta, an easier variant of Bridge beloved by Jewish grandmothers who drink too many bloody marys before 11 AM to understand (or care) what the hell “playing north” means.
But the bar-none favorite Feinberg card game is, was, and will always be UNO!
Fun story: three years ago, Beezus and I went on spring break to our favorite third-world beach destination: Las Terrenas. She lured me in with promises of white sand beaches, warm turquoise ocean, and non-rabid stray dogs who provide canine company while you freckle yourself. Turns out, though, that none of the above is fun when it rains for your first four days straight.
Uno (and a very questionable couples massage) single-handedly saved that vacation. What’s that you say? You say Uno is no fun with only two people? Lucky for us, Betsy’s meticulously-groomed Italian fugitive island boyfriend was a gamer too! Good times.
You might think that because the Feinberg household is 71.42% female (including the shmoops of course), we wouldn’t have too many video games lying around. But you’d be wrong.
Duck Hunt, Playstation 1, Wii… you name it, we’ve conquered it.
Only narrowly beating out Mario Kart for our number 1 favorite is Crash Bandicoot (the old school version, duh). I can just hear those tribal drums beating now.
Our mother, bless her heart, uses her Macbook for two purposes and two purposes only: researching neolithic stone formations in Scotland and playing Dam Beavers. She does this while watching Kung Fu at 1:00 AM on weeknights. MOMMMY!!
But the real master of the computer game is, once again, Bezusita. However much I think she is a royal fludge, I will always give props to Beezy for outright beating the greatest computer game of our time: Prince of Persia.
I’m pretty sure the only board game in our house is Scrabble, which thanks to Larry is an uber-deluxe lazy susan version. This fact is even more remarkable when you consider that Larry never, and I mean never, plays Scrabble against Linda, because Linda is ridiculously ridiculously scarily good at Scrabble. Think a triple-word “Quixotic”, with the Q on a triple letter. MOMMY!!
I’ve recently learned, though, that Babygirl has hidden gaming skills of her own. If you ever want to experience the depths of Katy’s twisted, utterly one-of-a-kind imagination, go ahead and challenge her to a game of Scattergories. You won’t regret it.
On second thought, you probably will.