For all of you smart HBO-subscribers out there, Winter is coming. No idea what I’m talking about? Shame on you. If you don’t watch Game of Thrones and like to spend your TV hours staring at lame asses and sick sad souls on Idol, 16 and Preggo, or The Biggest Loser, its time take your remote and slap yourself with it. Rent or Buy the first season ASAP. Tell ’em Babygirl sent you.
So, why did I insert bones for thrones? Because bones alludes to lady boners. Which all my fellow chickenheads out there will agree upon regarding Jamie “The Kingslayer” Lannister and John “The Bastard” Snow.
Jamie likes to pork his sister so that kind of ruins his appeal in my eyes. Though people down here in the dirty south probably don’t hate it. John Snow is the real draw. A man with a past. Can wield a sword and scissor the domes of some Beyond-the-Wall ice demons like a mofo. Eyes that simultaneously look like he could weep at any moment or burn a hole through your tortured soul. He’s kind to his tubbers amigo, wears 30lbs of fur, and has a pet Direwolf that could claw your face off.
In short, Game of Thrones is like Lord of the Rings meets Dynasty meets Soft Core Porn on crack, set in Scotland/New Zealand, so its even more vast and green and mysterious and wild.
I know I know, Sunday nights are turning into quite the clusterfuck because there are so many other worthy contenders on the tube such as GCB and Mad Men. But Game of Thrones never dissapoints, and does a magnificent job of teleporting your stressed out-brain. The other programs do not. Don Draper and the gang can kind of have the typy AMC effect which we like to call “The Icks.” Such as how the Walking Dead would keep me up at nights clutching a butter knife. Waking up in a cold sweat praying to sweet baby Jesus not to get eaten by a walker is no way to start the work week.
The Killing? Forget about it. Between casting the Maenad and bitches getting merked, I’m not trying to reach for my inhaler every five minutes during my downtime. And as much as I love Don’s mojo, Joan’s gingery costumes and Peggy’s ball-busting butchness, People at SCDP are pretty miz and the women are treated like poo poo. Meanwhile, GCB is light-hearted and southerntastic, but Leslie Bibb needs to shut her whiney pie hole.
So fiddle with your DVR or tune in at 10pm this Sunday. Even if you are not impressed with the Stark vs. Lanniser vs. Baratheon vs. Baratheon vs. Targaryen vs. Wildlings vs. White Walkers drama, there’s always the witty midget to give you a chuckle.