Colombia. Hillary Clinton. Ginger bandit shit. Drinking. Running from the law. This week started off on a goddamn high note. My girl HC (Whattup, 2016?) got her Vergara on in Cartagena. Yes, Cartagena is the one and only South American spot I’ve been lobbying for as an alternative Feinberg destination to our last hot mess experience in the I
mpetigo Capital of Shame Dominican Republic. The Fesitvus should’ve gotten on board. God knows between Marjorie and Hill, we’d be a diplomatic hot sauce sassafrass Chappaqua glitter bomb of glory.
Yeah yeah, there’s some weird political corrupt kidnapping stuff going on in Medelin and the jungle, but whats new. Lawlessness is kinda trendy. Just ask Paprica Frecklestein aka La Vida Lo-handys…Haters want to lock her back up and give her a big fat F on her badshit report card to Judge Butchballs. But all is good in the hood since Coachella doesn’t count as the clooob. Nor do Hotel Bars. Basically Linds can do meth-induced squats and chug 151 out of a cat carcass in a West Hollywood alley but it won’t count as a violation since Skid Row isn’t on the list of no no joints. God I’m proud to be an American.
Some of the best rap diddyboppers in the game share my love of Hillary and Lindsay and Trina AND Bogata. They even put it in a song:
Need clarification on the eloquent lyrics? Fab and Rick Ross have the best parts:
U Kno I Keep That Wite Girl, Lindsay Lohan
17.5 If Ya Friends A Snowman
Bringin Straight Cash For Them Benzez No Plan
N U Kno These Diamond Cardie Lenses 4 Grand
Fab 4 Grand, I Ain’t Studder Man
Less U Hear Me Bangin Street Fi-Di-Di-Di-Dan
Get Em By The Hundred I Ain’t Talkin Bundles Eitha
Love That Wite Girl, I Got Jungle Fever
We Keep That White Girl, Like To Call Her Tamie
Born In Columbia, She Moved To Miami
Hilary Clinton, She My Bestfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even Cosigned For That New White Benz
Yea I’m Stickin 2 Tha Script, The Strippers Take A Vouch
F*ck Ya I.Q., ‘Cause Ya Brain In Ya Mouth
Between H-diggity’s newfound internet fame and Lilo being set loose in the desert, I think its safe to say that all is right in the World.