Today I am inspired by Ice Cube.
Wait, what am I saying? Everyday I am inspired by Ice Cube. Or as the Native Americans call him…. Frozen Water.
Back to the matter at hand: Señor Cube gave a fantastic interview to Bon Appetit today (High Times is so 1999). The subject? What he will and will not put in his mouth.
I respect Ice’s list. Those green drinks taste like dirty dishwater infused with moldy cabbage. And while I’m not one of them, people who refuse to eat raw food make some sense. It’s like… there’s a reason that early modern humans harnessed the sanitizing effects of fuego. And I’m pretty sure it’s because Salmonella is a mighty uncomfortable condition.
Food for thought y’all. Literally.
We Feinbergs were given very little flexibility in the picky eating department as young’uns. And by very little flexibility, I mean that Linda and Larry would sooner let us starve alone in our rooms (and perhaps participate in life-threatening wild rumpuses?) than make us pasta with butter while our perfectly seasoned, fork-tender Osso Bucco sat untouched.
Nevertheless, like Ice Cube, there are some “foods” that I simply refuse to subject my gullet to. Sorry I’m not sorry.
- Anchovies: If Caesar really liked salty minnows in his salads, he deserved that shanking from Brutus.
- Lamb burgers: “Oh waiter? I’ll take that double-pounder with cheese extra gamey.” Thanks but no thanks.
- Organs that have retained their original shape and/or texture as food: I’m looking at you, sweetbreads. Also you, calf’s liver.
- Blue cheese/Gorgonzola: Tastes like doody and nightmares.
- Sun-dried tomatoes: #1 – they suck. #2 – they are the patron food of New Age suburban moms grooving in their crossover vehicles to Michael Bublé. Blech.
- Horse: May or may not have ingested this one accidentally in the DR. Lo siento, Black Beauty.