Lots of people have drunk alter egos, but none quite like the Feinberg children.
Beezy, if she doesn’t get the beer waterworks/morph into Sally Sadpants upon listening to explanations of nuclear threats, will most likely turn into the Fludgemaster. El Fludgeface likes to dance. She also likes say things like “It’s Fiiiiiine!,” play that godawful song by the Fun on repeat, lose her shoes, speak in Spanglish, wear Paula Abdul Costumes, and point her finger.
Marjorie can go one of two ways: The Music Man or Richard Reid
the Shoe bomber Jr. The Music Man comes to town when she decides to hop on stage and jam with the band or become the DJ’s best friend. She also is really good at talking to strangers, boys in particular, as she no longer gives a flying fook-a-look if she embarasses herself since she is happily wifed up. Now, it’s been a long time since the latter drunk alias reared its ugly head, but Richard Reid Jr. is the closest thing to the Exorcist that this world has ever seen. The eyes glaze and the fury is unleashed. Hard liquor is generally the culprit.
And worst of all, there’s Babygirl’s evil hormonal swamp donkey on meth personality: Elaine.
If you have been tasked with supervising me while Elaine is on the prowl, May God have mercy on your soul. She cannot be stopped. She will not listen. And she will certainly not go home without starting some serious shit. Imagine Courtney Love, Jessica Rabbit, and the Maenad from Trueblood – combined.
Why the name Elaine? Because the character is modeled after the gay icon and musical theatre/Sondheim obsession that is Elaine Stritch. Can anybody say BOBBY BOOBY?!
It starts with putting on the basic “Katy Show” comedy routine. But then, the bangs gets wonky and the drop n pop dance moves start busting out. The googly eyes are out of control. Responses gets real sassy. Suddenly, Elaine wants Tequila. Lot of one liners. This broad is Washed up. Elaine loves to yell at strangers and make people feel reaaal uncomfortable. Imagine a younger Mrs. Robinson character, with the vocabulary of Antoine Dodson – Smoking cigs, calling biddies names, sexually-harassing bartenders, etc.
I’m not saying I turn into this debaucherous wildabeast every time I chugalug. Most of the time I’m the sole survivor taking care of my dingaling friends trying to take cab Gypsy cabs to Rye Playland. Elaine only visits high-pressure situations like my birthday, lacrosse season, and work events like cookouts with senior partners and their spouses.