Since I turned a ripe 24 on May 1st, my thoughts have turned to getting old… and how to do it right. My days of naturally dewey, wrinkle-free skin are numbered and it’s time to take matters into my own clammy little carny hands.
Luckily for us Feinbergs, we have the ultimate example to guide us into the twilight of our youth: our very own glam-ma, Penny Feinberg.
Come on, get a load of this lady! In today’s world, both of the above getups would land you on a street style blog faster than you can say “military-chic jumpsuit.”
The fact of the matter is this: as great as it may be to figure out how to look faaaabulous when you’re young, it’s no easy feat to be killin’ it later on. That’s why Ari Seth Cohen of Advanced Style is a genius. He’s taken the Sartorialist model and moved the average up from 27 to 77, paying homage to the stylish geriatrics who could teach us all a thing or two about turbans and statement jewelry. Fact: If Penny were still alive today, she would be the queen of Advanced Style, no questions asked.
Using the fashionable memaws of Advanced Style as my muses, I’ve assembled a guide to looking fly when your drink of choice is Metamucil and you pop more prescription medications each morning than Lilo on a Saturday night at the Chateau Marmont.
1. A) HATS!
Old ladies love hats. Everyone knows that. My dodo brain sisters and I inherited some particularly awesome chapeaus from Glam-ma Penny, including a furry one fit for jetsetting to St. Moritz and a straw number much like the one below. I may not be in my golden years just yet, but I’d rock that thing all summer long if it weren’t buried somewhere in our parents’ basement.
1. B) TURBANS!
As a corollary to the above, let’s not forget the Hat of the Orient beloved by geriatrics from Boca to East 72nd street: the turban. But beware… if you try dabbling in turbans before you’ve got grandchildren, you will look AFOOL. Just ask Kourtney Kardashian:
Now this old bird knows what she’s doing:
Old ladies get cold easily. It’s a natural result of having been born before the invention of A/C. But because they are regal and awesome, they are not about to throw on some ratty old Sorority sweatshirt or some run-of-the-mill cableknit sweater circa the Gap 2003. They need, want, and deserve to don the pelts of formerly live animals. And amen to that!
3. OVERSIZED EYEWEAR!
Iris Apfel is all the rage in the fashion world at the moment. And for good reason. All hail the queen of the old-lady-in-bugeyed-glasses look! Iris, we salute you.
This look is both uh-maz-zing and slightly over-the-top for a Sunday afternoon shopping trip to Grace’s Marketplace. The following may be more appropriate for purchasing criminally overpriced nova and shmear:
I can’t even begin to describe the vast coffers of GORGEOUS costume jewelry left to us by Glam-ma Penny. Glitzy cocktail rings? Check. Gigantic brooches? Check. Down-to-your-bellybutton necklaces in every color for layering? Check Check Check. Oh, and it helps that she was the muse to Uncle Jay in his earlier incarnation as a jewelry designer. We are lucky, lucky girls.
The great thing about being a senior citizen is that you can wear awesomely gaudy jewelry in plain daylight and totally get away with it. It’s like “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just moseying down to Duane Reade wearing 5 pounds of baubles around my neck.”
You know when you’re out in public with your grandparents and they say insane things that are not socially acceptable for people under the age of 65 to say but that they get away with because they simply don’t give a rat’s tuchus after all these years? It’s the best.
Glam-ma Penny may have died before she ever got that crusty, but she was always as tough as her impeccably manicured nails. That chutzpah is the defining attribute of anyone who has ever aged with style.
So here’s to all the glam-mas and glam-pas out there, without whom Bergdorf’s would go out of business!