Ok, Y’all. So my boo has done it again, proving once again that homegirl is going to do whatever she damn. well. pleases. Why in the tits (had to!) is everyone so damn surprised that a) this shiz would leak early as a typy typ PR stunt and b) that Lilo wouldn’t be gun shy about taking her clothes off? The best question should be, since when did she ever have clothes on? Clothes are SO overrated. She cannot be contained and we wouldn’t want her any other way.
I’d like to make it perfectly clear that thanks to Facebook, Snooki, and Michelle Bachman, most of AMURICA consists of shameless shameless whoooahs (insert Sopranos mafia lingo) and batshit whackadoos. Lindsay was a visionary. A pioneer. Our Lady of Peaches and Cream figured it out early on that she had no shot of normalcy with parents like White Oprah and Captain Ed Hardy, so sometime between her stint in Promises and sexting 50 Cent, she made the genius decision to ACT A FOO until the fine day in the future when she can meet her twin and truth-speaker, yours truly.
That’s right, Lilo knows one day we will teach each other tricks of the trade and survival skills that will put her back on top and put me on a strict red bull and p-funk diet. I will bring her over to 80 Hollywood for Osso Bucco with Larry & Linda and while they talk sense into her life choices, we will retreat to the pleasant Little Women dorm room for Baby Prostitute cocktails and a workshop to start choreographing our first joint public dance spectacle.