If for some unrealistic reason I run out of Chard, I like to get my buzz on via sippin’ on some serious HATORADE. What trick doesn’t? Talking smack is one of my favorite pastimes, right alongside leisure activities, SAE school girls, and spray tans. In fact, I’ve become so damn skilled at talking bs I’ve turned the artform of eloquently bashing people and twisting words into a career. Sorry for partying.
Which leads us to todays list of absolute idiots. 2011 saw a plethora of nincompoops, weeny heads, hoecakes, and rancid douchebaggery. Below is 2011’s Top Ten Most Annoying Female Celebs. I’m going to break it down for you – Sue Sylvester style – into the worst of the worst, ladies first.
Her Piers morgan interview was like watching someone get kicked in the taco. Witchy woman was a lukewarm mess and yet another reminder of how our country has gone insane if this piece was actually allowed to be in the running for elected office. I hope the only thing that results from her sad attempt at tea
bagging party status is facetime with grundle.
Hide yo kids, hide yo husbands because this ano floozy is coming for you. She’s so hungry she literally will take a bite out of your foot, which is obvi why Brandi has that godforsaken boot on.
Ugh please refer to my earlier post about THOSE WOMEN who pretend to love sports. Or trick guys into thinking how cooooooool she is, just cause she’s in a fantasy football draft and is reasonably good looking, she must be awesome. She’s just conniving, you easily-manipulated sweater monkeys!
7. Shiloh Jolie Pitt
Wear a dress already.
What is all the damn hype about, seriously? Big mouth, no talent, no Richard Gere hooker movie. And Chord overstreet? Really? If that’s not a beard situation, then I’m not still creeping on fb pictures of married laxers from the glory days.
Hello, Satan. We knew you’d rear your head eventually! I thought we’d have a little more time before you showed up at the Rapture. Thanks for giving all brown-haired blue-eyed women a bad name.
If you are not automatically bothered or annoyed by this mess, we probably are not friends. Not even her New Canaan roots can redeem this cancerous lump of blonde hyena. Her outfits. Her movies. IZZY. All she needs is a husband named T-Weezy, a German Shepard, and a Boston address to really put me over the edge.
Soccer is whack. Soccer is whack. Whoopity doo da, Soccer is whack.
Only made this list because she is getting away with damn murder. Living the dream. Sleazed her way into the trailers of Ben, Ryan, and Jack Dawson. Either she has beer-flavored nips or all the other options in LA have the clap, because this kind of Heater is unheard of.
1. Kris Jenner, Kloe, Kim, and Kourtney Kardashian
And the envelope please. And the winner is… DUH, bitches. Captain Obvious over here wants to remind the world that these low-down dirty hair extension tranny monsters are the reason why teenagers are texting and getting preggo out in Fargo and saying “F you, Mom, ” without the threat of a swift backhand and a looming trip to Outward bound skank reversal camp.