At this point you should understand that I am a stark raving lunatic who should not be left alone with your hot cousin. Me-ow. We all have our weaknesses. Mine are simple. It all boils down to 3 crucial categories: Southern Accents, Strong Sexual Content, and Drama Drama Drama. Which is why I am obsessed with the world of True Blood.
Yes, Yes I am.
Even as I’m writing this my foot starts tapping, my heart begins to flutter, and I feel like I might just stroke out a little bit. You may be asking yourself if Trueblood/Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Series is the reason why I moved to the south. The answer is yes.
Mischievious Vampires in the swamps of Louisiana who like to pork and sell their trippy blood to chiseled Australians. Maenads wearing pink caftans who turn bitches into hogs. Gap-toothed glorified Hooters waitresses. Gingers with control issues. Fabulous gay witches who moonlight as hookers/nurses/drugdealers/cooks. Hot-blooded Channing Tatum-y Werewolves. Liars named Bill. I could go on all day. Especially about how painfully terrible Twilight is in comparison. Oh, and Stephanie Meyers? Take your right wing agenda along with your lack of sexytime, fear of cuss words, and rainy Emo backdrop and stick it in your weepy mormon patootie. SOOKEH is a heroine for the ages and can get her swerve on without taking the lords name in vain, y’all. One time at the cottage in the glen, our godforsaken cable wasn’t working on the night of the season premiere and I cried for 3 hours. Talk about a glass case of emotion.
The woman behind the magic is like a dirty-minded Paula Deen and apparently the “celebrity” Babygirl loses her shit over. The only kind soul willing to accompany me to Charlaine’s book signing was my dear friend Julia of Plank Pilates Studio – New Yorkers looking to get toned as F, get your tush over there! Anyway I will always be indebted to her.. come to think of it I still owe that trick a fresh set of sheets from Freshman year. And obviously for pulling a Rainman with Charlaine here at the Union Square Barnes and Noble.
Here’s how it went down:
Charlaine: (In deep southern friendly drawl) Thank you so much for coming!
Katy: (Stammering) Ah.. I… I love your work.. Um.. Oh god… (fumbles, starts to drool)
Charlaine: (Lifts eyebrow, looks concerned/scared) Is she O.K.?
Julia: (Impatiently nudges Rainman forward to have all 4 books signed) Yes Yes she’s gonna make it, she’s probably your biggest fan. Normally she is quite verbal soo I’m not sure what’s wrong with her…
Katy: (blurts out inchorently) I LOVE Eric. I LOVE you..
Publishing Staff: NEXT!
When the show starts back up again in June, I will obvioussly start doing a Monday AM recap for each episode, most likely agonizing over Alan Ball’s acid-infused psychoballs interpretation of the books, SOOKEH being an idiot and not hopping on the vampity D train, Arlene’s ginger Michelle Bachmann act, and making comparisons between Raleigh and Bon Temps.
Check out her ballstastic interview with NYT magazine.