My favorite weddings are clearly the ones that give credence to the irrefutable power of Jewish Geography, and this week the Sunday Times did not fail me.
This is a gem for so many reasons – namely the extra doses of finance backgrounds, Westchester zip codes, and some classic psycho hose beast tomfoolery:
Mr. Wien and Ms. Wolff met online in 2009. When he decided to propose marriage, he wanted it to be a spectacular surprise.
“He always said it was hard to surprise someone who has been wanting to be proposed to since our second date,” Ms. Wolff said. “I’m kind of pushy.”
She added that she put “an exact picture of the ring I wanted and my ring size in his top drawer.
This broad is clearly a viking in the getting-that-rock-on-yo-digit arena. And although I just barfed in my mouth a teensy bit, I pay her all due respect for some serious chutzpa (and for single-handedly redefining the word “pushy”).
Bravo, you psycho hose beast. Bravo.
But wait! There’s more!
A little digging (read: a 30 second discussion with my significant other) led to the game-changing discovery that our groom is none other than the host of the infamous Chappaqua Football Team Stripper Party of 2001!
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, wake up and smell the citations. Because before there was the Duke Lacrosse Team Stripper Party of 2006, before Jeanine Pirro was the CW’s very own Judge Jeanine Pirro, and before Anthony “Cousin Vinny” Agnello got shanked in the leg, there were the Wiens, a bottle of whipped cream, Gorgeous Stripper Plus Inc.’s ad in the Yellow Pages, and an overzealous county D.A.
Wien Family: we salute you. If anyone knows what it’s like to hide in the basement for two hours with 40 fellow drunken 16-year-olds so that the cops might actually believe that your older sister drank all those Colt 45’s by herself, it’s me. Congratulations to you and your “pushy” bride for overcoming the odds and fulfilling your affluent New York Metropolitan Area destiny.